Added: Asya Giese - Date: 02.02.2022 02:46 - Views: 12550 - Clicks: 2485
How you feel about your marriage depends on how you and your partner relate to each other—your interpersonal relationship.
The interpersonal Should we get married how to evaluate your relationship between romantic partners is about how you ask for what you want, how you resolve differences, how you avoid conflict, how you express your feelings toward one another, and how you talk about a concern or complaint.
Every interaction between partners has two features: a content feature and a process feature. Content refers to the specific issue at hand—you want sexhelp with the dishes, a night out with the guys, etc. Process refers to what is happening between you interpersonally as you talk about what you want—how you are relating to each other. This distinction is important because it is how you relate to one another more than the specifics of what you want that determines how you feel about your relationship—and how you feel about you partner.
There are three general ways couples relate to one another: Doing GenderTransacting, and Collaborative Negotiating. It is likely that you interact in all these ways at one time or another. However, one kind tends to dominate in relationships. How you feel about your relationship will be influenced by the usual way you relate to one another. Here is a guide to assessing how you relate in your marriage and how you feel about how you are interacting.
Relating to one another in traditional marriage relationships is acting out your ingrained views of masculinity and femininity. In a heterosexual marriage, the traditional pattern is each husband and wife conform to the socially prescribed roles of the masculine-husband and feminine-wife. In this type of relationship, what men and women want and how they go about getting it is dictated by gender. To not conform to these gender expectations and roles is to be "less masculine" and "less feminine.
Imagine a husband who has had a hard day at work and is feeling stressed.
How she responds depends on her definition of being feminine and his sense of masculinity. She may respond by sitting down with him for a few minutes, or by bringing him something to eat or drink. He may not want to talk about his day. To not provide caring would likely result in him feeling deprived of what is his due. It is noteworthy that conforming to these gender roles is not necessarily seen as praiseworthy—it is what ought to be done. Conforming to prescribed roles in a marriage limits individual creativity. It also can foster unfairness in marriage because of the power differential inherent in gender.
A few questions can begin your assessment of relating by gender and how satisfying is it:. Young people searching for newer ways to interact with each other turned to the professionals e.
These authorities propose the idea of a transaction, which comes from the business world. Applied to marriage means the partners do things for each other with the expectation of reciprocation. As couples try to avoid a relationship defined by gender, they have been advised to formalize how they relate to each other with a contract. Such contracts outline how and when to do nice things for each other and how to share the household and parenting tasks fairly. These contracts can spell out everything—sex, chores, finances, etc.
The idea behind such contracts is the idea of reciprocity. If I fulfill my part of the contract, you will fulfill yours. You can find hundreds of ways in which to create these kinds of contracts online. Researchers and clinicians working with couples have found that marriages oriented around reciprocity are less successful. For example:. Wants or preferences are things that you value but are willing to negotiate, in good faith, with your spouse or cohabiting partner. Marc and Amy are committed to the idea of equally shared parenting. They each take responsibility for all aspects of parenting their two children on separate days.
The couple divides their responsibilities e. Amy and Marc continually stay alert and monitor how things are being shared between them. Sometimes the tasks do fall along traditional gender Should we get married how to evaluate your relationship. The point, for Marc and Amy, is not to default to these gender-driven roles but rather to think things through and talk about it.
This kind of attention to maintaining a collaborative relationship in which you negotiate issues in good faith takes a lot of work, much of it is being self-reflective…knowing where you are emotionally and psychologically in order to stay committed to this kind of relating. And, you must develop and practice ways to negotiate win-win solutions.
Some examples of what you may feel as you become willing to become collaborative negotiators are. A committed marriage is a lifelong partnership that links two people around their most fundamental wishes and wants. A good way to assess how you are doing in your relationship is to look at how you and your partner are interacting with one another.
Do your interactions support you both as individuals while at the same time enhancing your relationship? Couples need to interact with one another intentionally and attentively. Some things simply cannot be mandated, not even by contract nor by gender. You can intentionally and attentively negotiate collaboratively with one another. Thompson, Linda. Gottman, John.
July 11, Aponte, Catherine E. Catherine Aponte, Psy. Catherine Aponte Psy. A Marriage of Equals. References 1. About the Author. Online: Personal Website. Read Next. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Personality Passive Aggression Personality Shyness. Family Life Child Development Parenting. View Help Index.
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How to Evaluate Your Relationship with Your Spouse